Exam mood....

Things that I hate about study is final exam. Everyone were so serious studying it makes me scared and depressed. I really really tired lately, most of the time I study and during spare time I sleep, I rarely online so I don't have time to update my blog, play online games and facebook.

Things not going so well lately, I know everyone not in the happy mood because of final exam. I just want to share something, something that really hurt me. Something that I'm not expecting her to say those word to me.. I just felt sad actually.

Everyone wished to have wonderful and happy life, dream life that become reality. I never wished to have these kind of life. I just want to ask.. what is bad for being single? This story started when we talked about future life.. you know every girl always dream to get married, having kids, happy family and so on. She told me about her beautiful love story, their future planning and her boyfriend's promise which actually quite annoyed me. I just listened and then I told her back about my dream life. Like her I always wanted the best life. Suddenly she stopped me before finishing my words. Then she said

"Salsa sebelum kau nak cakap pasal ni cari boyfriend dulu baru layak cakap " I replied "I may not have boyfriend, I may not getting married like you, I may not having great life like you...tapi at least kalau tak kahwin pun aku boleh amik anak angkat la..belum tentu kau kahwin kau bahagia kot..?? "

Hello... wake up you!! Does happy couple only deserve to say this huh?? by the way, I really really hurt with your statement. I wished you open your eyes and see whats happening around you. We cannot predict our future, you don't know what will happend tomorrow. Please... please please.. .don't be too proud with your life right now. Be realistic please..!! Jangan lah perasan diri tu kimora in the fab lane!!!

Its okie, Its alright I don't blame you, you are just too blind to see this kan..?? You don't know what happened to me..

P/S: Anywhere I just knew something, someone I like going out for candle light dinner with his new sexy girlfriend. the point here is SEXY.. you are liar XXXX..!! konon you don't like free hair , shopaholic and party go-er girl like me kan...?? never mind.. I changed a lot lately. You too just another blind person..

shoes madness!!!

Things that I bought this month...

Bohemian short dress from MNG RM 155, Black velvet heels from Vincci RM 89, Red & silver wedges from Vincci RM 59 and Black tote bag from Vincci RM 89

Duuuhhhh!!! I love shopping so much...!! This the only way to cure my depression!

Two ways to wear this bag...

versus

Which one you prefer...??


new shoes!!

Raya, Birthday and whatever....

Raya..??me and my family celebrating Raya at Perlis. By the way, pity me. I didn't get much duit raya this year.

Birthday. On 24th September I reached 22. OMG just realized how old I am now. Hey!! thanks a lot for sending me sweet birthday wishes, I really appreciate it..muacks!!

Things that I shop this month...

1. 2 pairs baju kurung
2. MNG tee

Movie that I watched... Hauendae. Must watch movie okie! I give 3.8 stars, go and see it guys! This movie is about tsunami at Korea. I would say it was good but it wasn't great movie but its worth it to watch at cinema.. :)

daa!!

Industrial Training for next semester

I still waiting for cover letter from UiTM before sending my application to company that I intended to do practical there. My top 3 listed companies are Petronas, Starbucks and Naza Group. Haih...its very difficult to find exact contact number from all of these companies.. I have to called many times in order for me to get HR department contact number. Some of them not given good cooperation (sangat belagak okie!).

So far some of my classmate already got the place and some have been going to interview session. I'm scared because I still did get any confirmation with chosen companies due to delayed of cover letter. But so far I still trying to find my industrial training places by sending my resume via email to certain companies. Next week I will attending Standard Charted written interview at UiTM before going back KL.

This week also tough week for me. Lotsa tests and presentations. But I guess after Hari Raya lagi busy with more coming test.

Anyway this may be my last post before raya so I would like to wish all the reader Selamat Hari Raya maaf zahir dan batin. Enjoy!!!

What did I do to deserve this
I didn't even get one last kiss, from you
Oh God took your love from me
You needed an angel so it seems
I need to feel your hands all over me
I need to feel you kissing me
I need to feel you holding me
I need to feel your touch
Cause I miss your love so much
And I can't keep on living this way
I need you here with me
Why did God take you away, from me


It's hard for me to tell you I love you
As I'm standing over your grave
And I know I'll never hear your voice again
Why did you leave me
Why couldn't you just stay
Because my world is nothing, without you
Now I don't know what to do, with myself
I would've given you anything
Just to make you happy
Just to hear you say, that you love me one last time
I'd go to hell back over and over again
Just to prove to you how much I need you here
There is nothing that I wouldn't do

I'd cry for you
I'd lie for youAnd there's no doubt that if I could take your place in heaven
I would die for you, yes I will
I would rather give up my life
Than to see tears in your eyes
I can't stand to see you cry


Cause it's hard for me to tell you I love you
As I'm standing over your grave
And I know I'll never hear your voice again
Why did you leave me
Why couldn't you just stay
Because my world is nothing, without you
Now I don't know what to do, with myself


I just don?t know what to do with myself
I can?t stop looking at those pictures on my shelf
Knowing it was just one week ago, stood there and took that picture
There just one thing that I want to know
Why would God want to hurt me so bad
Does he God know how much it hurts to be missing you


p/s: listening to this song makes me remembered him back... I miss u so much....:(

24th July 2009.... big lose for me and my family

24th July, date my late abah passed away..I always wanted to write something about him but I don't know from where to start.. I keep thinking about him everyday, every second and almost every time. What I can say is he's the greatest and brilliant dad.. I never realized how much I need him, love him and miss him until he left me.

He died on fri night.. I got called from my sis on Thursday evening. He said abah's health is not in good condition. Abah just ran from general hospital, he refuse to get treatment there due to bad service. At home abah don't want to eat anything.. he said weird things like "abah dah nak pergi". That what my sis told me. She want me go bac home ASAP. Suddenly I became speechless and started to cry. All my housemate came near me because shocking i was crying. I'm dry hearted person, I seldom cry. Even if I got sad news I never cried. I don't know why I cried that time, luckily they makes me calm down.. Maybe that a sign. I'm scared.. I don't want anything happened to him. Around 8.00pm my brother came pick me at Melaka. When I reached home nobody were there, all went to Sentosa Medical Centre(SMC) after my dad agreed to stay there. I was happy and thankful to God. So I just rest at home and wait until tomorrow morning to visit him at hospital.

11am. I went to hospital with my sis and bro to meet my dad and mom. My mom and my eldest bro accompanied my dad until morning. Mom look so tired. I saw abah face. I'm happy because he comfortable there. I asked him "abah sihat?", then he replied sihat. We don't talked much that time because he tired I guess. My mom said he didn't slept well that night. After a few minute we went back because my aunt (step mom) turned to take care of him. I don't think negatively because he going to do small operation to remove infection at his leg due to diabetic at 4.30pm. I just think later he'll be okay.

My eldest bro was there during the operation hour until finnished. He called my mom and said abah look much better, he want to eat and talking with others. I feel lightened after hearing that.

10.50pm. I was watching tv, suddenly I got called using home telephone. It was my dad with sadness voice. He said "iela, abah ni. abah dah letih, abah dah penat..." I screamed "abah!!" then passed the telephone to my mom. My mom grabbed the phone, nobody on the line. I cried and said to my mom abah called just now.. My mom panicked. I went to my room and perform solat isyak... My body shiver. I never felt that way.. one or two minute after the called, my eldest bro called. He just said be patient to my mom and my bro in law will come to pick us to hospital. That time I thought my dad was coma. Along the way to hospital I was berdoa nothing happen to him..

11.05. Almost arrived at SMC, my bro's fiancee called me. She said where to bring his corpse? At that moment I realized he was gone forever. I was redha and not crying. I told my mom "abah dah tiada." After reached hospital I start crying, I holding my mom hand and hug her.. she also crying. I when to 5th floor where my dad's room located. I saw people crying in front of his dead body. I went to him and saw his calm face, he was smilling. I hug and kiss him for the first time after fews years never done that. Seems like he was sleeping.. My mom was too weak to accept this. she collapsed in front abah's dead body. My sis whispering something to mom ear.. she's awake and start crying..

After went back home.. I asked one by one everyone at hospital just who gave the phone to abah.. nobody were given phone to abah that time. They were in panic. Around 10.50pm suddenly abah started dying. My sis in law went to the counter and screaming "where is the doctor!!" nurse panic because no doctor incharge. After 10 minutes doctor came and want to give my dad electronic shock (i don't know the medical term for that machine). Suddenly the room black out. After fix that problem he put that thing again on my dad's body again whole level black out. So doctor surrender and confirm my dad was dead at 11.30pm on July 24 due to septicaemia. Can you imagine kuasa Allah, miracles things happened.. Allah just don't want to hurt his body, Allah love him too much. Last year abah asked me when was prophet Muhammad wafat? I said at the age 63 years old. He said abah want to die same age with prophet Muhammad. I remembered back that thing... Its true. He died at age 63year 1 month. That show we just can't change Allah Almighty fate.

I'm selected person who got mysterious called from abah. I"m phobia with phone ringing. At first I can't accept that. I'm too scared. After all ade hikmah to all these things.. He love me. He want to inform me that was time for him time to go.. I was so stupid I don't get it. After think back.. I understand he did with purpose. He wanted to show how much he love and remember me even he's miles away in different world. He left me with memory which I can't forget in my life.

I love you even more now. Even though you're not here, deep in my heart you always with me.

In memory.... Zainal bin Hashim. Al Fatihah to him.

P/S: Thanks for the condolences. I really appreciate. Sorry if I not replied some of the text. I just to busy or not ready to talk. Hope you guys understand.